Maia Bodal

I was 11 years old.

I woke up with an intense headache. The room was spinning around me because of severe vertigo. I felt as though I were on a roller coaster.

I was in immense, unbearable pain. I tried to get up from the floor and walk, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even lift my head.

After several attempts, I was finally able to take a step. But I immediately fell forward. I couldn’t even catch myself because I couldn’t use my arms.

After what felt like an eternity of the worst pain I had ever experienced, I eventually lost consciousness.

I woke up in the pediatric intensive care unit a week later.

I still couldn’t eat, walk, or talk. I was alive, but I didn’t feel alive.

I spent five months in the hospital, where I had to relearn everything.

I will live with permanent brain damage for the rest of my life.

I live with chronic, disabling pain every single day. I live with fatigue, vision impairments, balance problems, and cognitive impairment.

I wish people understood that when I don’t do something they asked me to do, I’m not ignoring them. Sometimes my brain simply isn’t able to process the information.

I also wish people understood that permanent brain damage does not only happen as a result of traumatic injuries. It can also happen because of an illness.

I will always grieve the life I never got to have. I wish my problems were visible to other people. It hurts to never be taken serious.

Living with brain damage throughout my teenage years was especially difficult. Needing accommodations at school that nobody else needed was embarrassing. Having to explain why I couldn’t keep up with everyone else was exhausting.

I wish more people understood that surviving is not the end of the story.