Caregiving: All the World’s a Stage

By Donna O’Donnell Figurski

When people become seriously unwell from any number of illnesses or unfortunate events, the focus of their family and friends is on them, as it should be. The essential caregiver remains in the background.

When my husband, David, had a brain injury in 2005, that’s exactly what happened. He was the center of attention, not only from me, the paramedics, the hospital staff, and his medical personnel, but he also took center stage with his children, his father, his brothers and their families, and his friends and colleagues. Everyone wanted to know what happened, how he was doing, and what his expected outcome would be. We were all hanging on David’s every breath.

Survivors of brain injury tend to take the leading roles, though they’ve never auditioned for their parts. David’s medical team, all the people I mentioned above, and I made up the cast. We were all unexpectedly playing in The David Show. This show, unlike all the shows I’ve worked on in the theater, did not have a set production run or an opening night. It was unrehearsed, and there were no do-overs.

The David Show was an ongoing production of life that had not been performed with the usual rules of theater. The original medical cast has moved on to other stages with other main characters. The family-and-friend supporting cast has left the stage too, as they returned to their normal lives. David and I are the only actors left on this stage—our stage—our life. As survivor and caregiver, we stumble through life together, making up our lines and our parts as we go. Improvisation is our skill of choice. Though David has had twenty-one years of schooling, he was never trained to be a survivor of brain injury. As a mother of two children and a teacher of about 400 students, I had an idea of what a caregiver is, but I was completely out of my element as the caregiver for a very sick man.

When David’s insurance coverage ended and he was released from the hospital, I was completely in charge of his every need. I was completely responsible for all his life-needs without so much as an introduction to Caregiving 101. My responsibilities for David’s needs have lasted weeks, months, and even years. And, remember, I never had a script.

In the early stages of my caregiving, a comatose David had no idea what I was doing on a daily basis helping to keep him alive. More than seventeen years later, he marvels at my tenacity, my patience, and my persistence. Frankly, I don’t know where my strength came from. I just put one foot in front of the other and loved my soulmate, whom I met when I was 16 years old.

Caregiving is truly not for the faint of heart. It’s a darn hard job! So caregivers have to love themselves too. They need to exit the stage. Without a timeout, burnout will surely happen, and their show will be a bust.

I know from experience! After five years of total and complete concentration in The David Show, I went back to the theater and started a new show called The David and Donna Show. It is ongoing, and we have yet to know when the final curtain will signal the end. But we do hope for a standing ovation!

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This article originally appeared in Volume 16, Issue 4 of THE Challenge! published in 2022.