Broken Girl: A Memoir of Life Before and After Traumatic Brain Injury

When we speak in the first person, we are talking about our brain. It is both the luminous seed and fertile soil needed to generate the immeasurable potential that is to be alive and human.

And my brain had just been crushed by a two-ton hammer.

Caroline Laner Breure was on vacation in Spain when she was struck by a police vehicle. She sustained a Grade 3 diffuse axonal injury – her brain was almost torn in half, and she had a GCS score of 5. Her doctors gave her a 5 percent chance of survival and no chance of being able to see, hear, speak, taste, or use her arms or legs.

Not only did Caroline defy that prognosis, but she also went on to share her story in a powerful way. She collaborated with New York Times bestselling author Bradley Trevor Greive (BTG) to write Broken Girl, a luminous and captivating memoir that shares Caroline’s journey to rebuild her life after her brain injury. The Brain Injury Association of America had the opportunity to interview Caroline and BTG about how Broken Girl came to be, the writing process, what they hope readers take away from Broken Girl, and more.

BIAA: What made you decide that you wanted to share the story of your brain injury experience and write a book?

Caroline: Ignorance is not bliss. It’s awful to feel that something is wrong with you but not know what that is. For a year, I had no idea that I’d suffered a serious brain injury. When my stepfather explained what had happened to me, I didn’t know what to think. But I could see the way people stared at me whenever I tried to walk or speak.

During the early stages of recovery, I was like a child in a woman’s body. I liked to believe I survived because I had superpowers, and that I was invincible. Initially, I simply wanted to share my story so people would know I was a warrior, to show everybody how far I’d come. I felt I needed to prove something to all the people who treated me differently. But gradually I became aware that my life was not as I remembered and that, by extension, I was not who I thought I was. I had become my own mystery.

As I struggled to come to terms with everything, I asked my mom, my ex-boyfriend, and some close friends to write down what I’d been through. They all meant well, but something was still missing – I could tell that everyone wanted me to be happy, but my perception of my daily reality didn’t mesh with what I was being told. As time went on, I started feeling very alone, as if I was becoming invisible. Both my past and my future seemed beyond reach.

Coming to terms with a brain injury, or helping a loved one who has suffered a brain injury, can be confusing and difficult. Ultimately, I wanted to shed light on the fact that a brain injury is not just a broken mind; it’s also a broken heart and a broken life. For better or for worse, I wanted to talk about the impact of the people who mattered most to me, those who left, and those who stayed.

BIAA: BTG, how did you first connect with Caroline? What was it about her story that made you want to be part of this book?

BTG: Caroline reached out to me via Instagram after watching Penguin Bloom [a Netflix film adaptation of another book written by BTG]. Her request really stood out to me because, in spite of her communication difficulties, she had already started to investigate her own brain injury and was relentless in her search for the truth.

To say that I admired Caroline’s tenacity is a gross understatement; she is truly amazing. I was immediately drawn to the staggering injustice of her story. I was also inspired by the creative challenge of trying to tell Caroline’s story through the lens of her brain injury, rather than merely writing about her brain injury.

Broken Girl is not what most readers might expect – yes, it’s a brutally honest work of nonfiction, but in many ways, the book is written as a romantic/medical thriller. In order to make Caroline’s story as immersive as possible, I employed several new literary devices: The text itself is composed as short fragments, which mirrors Caroline’s thoughts and speech after her injury – it also makes the story easier to follow for readers with comprehension challenges, like Caroline herself. The typeface in the book changes three times to indicate the degree to which Caroline, as the unreliable narrator of her own story, understands what really happened. The chapter numbers count down to zero and then begin again, indicating the end of one life and the beginning of another, and new chapters no longer start on new pages while she is in a coma, as time itself is no longer relevant here. The result, I hope, is a powerful true story that is deeply emotional and full of shocking twists, which is exactly what Caroline experienced in real life.

BIAA: What made you decide to work with BTG on Broken Girl?

Caroline: I had started watching inspirational movies about people overcoming adversity and recovering from terrible injuries. The first movie I watched, coincidentally, was Penguin Bloom, and later I realized it was based on a book written by BTG. After I watched the movie, I felt a real connection with Sam Bloom, who I then had the pleasure of meeting at one of her talks. She told me about BTG, who had written her bestselling book about the accident that left her paralyzed, and produced the Netflix movie adaptation as well.

When I first wrote to BTG, I simply wanted him to edit a book that I wanted to write all on my own, based on the 50 pages I had already put together with my mom, ex-boyfriend, and others. He politely let me know he was a writer, not an editor, but he sent me links to some good editors and gave me a lot of useful advice on how to get my book published. Bear in mind that this was just 18 months after my brain injury, and I still couldn’t read or write very well.

BTG was kind enough to send me an encouraging message every now and then to ask how I was progressing with my manuscript, and the truth was, I didn’t get very far at all. Eventually, I told him that I had paused writing my book indefinitely, and then I boldly asked BTG if he wanted to write my story. He agreed to do it, but only if I gave him my blessing to write it the way he wanted to, which was a very unusual creative approach. I trusted him completely, but the funny part is that I didn’t know at the time that BTG was a New York Times bestselling author, and how much of a privilege it was to have someone like him spend over two years writing a book about me. BTG receives hundreds, if not thousands, of requests from strangers asking him to write their story, so I feel very lucky that he chose to write mine!

BIAA: How did you learn about the Brain Injury Association of America?

BTG: Supporting the BIAA has been a genuinely uplifting experience. It’s always been my practice to donate a portion of my royalties to leading charities that are relevant to the subjects of my books – from wildlife conservation to spinal cord injury research. Caroline believes strongly in helping others so when I mentioned my plan to her, she immediately wanted to donate a portion of her royalties as well, which didn’t surprise me, but I was incredibly moved nonetheless, knowing that she lost her business because of her injury.

After our initial research and the advice of various brain injury professionals we both knew in Australia and Brazil, I learned that a friend and colleague of mine with Andrews McMeel Publishing, in Kansas City, had been involved with the BIAA before, and she had such wonderful things to say about them. The BIAA was already on our shortlist, so I reached out to Peter Knockstead, who was very forthcoming, and we quickly bonded over his passion for BIAA’s mission and our shared love of Boston terriers. It was just meant to be!

BIAA: Caroline, you don’t hold back on the painful aspects of your brain injury. First: Why was it important to you to be as frank and honest as you were in conveying these experiences? Second: I’m curious to know if writing Broken Girl was in any way helpful with processing these experiences?

Caroline: Like so many people with a TBI, I have no filter – I know the unvarnished truth can make some people uncomfortable, but this is how I am in real life, and I didn’t want to change who I was in the book. I love Disneyland, but having a brain injury is not a Disney movie with a magical, happy ending. Recovery is complex, messy, embarrassing, and painful. It felt important to let readers know what it’s truly like to suffer a brain injury. So few people have any idea what a brain injury is actually like – I know my mom and I didn’t know anything about TBI before it happened to us.

It proved to be enormously helpful on two levels. Yes, it was very painful to relive all the horrible memories, and sometimes I would become depressed thinking about what happened to me and how much my life has changed. But in the end, it was positive to be able to see everything in a different light, and also to celebrate how far I’ve come.

When you have a brain injury, progress seems unbearably slow. But the other day, my mom was telling me how the two years I spent working with BTG while he was writing Broken Girl really helped my reading, writing, and comprehension skills, which also improved my ability to organize my thoughts and to communicate with others.

When we first began working on the book, it was impossible for me to remember things or stay focused. When BTG interviewed me on a video call, I would quickly veer off topic and get very frustrated trying to recall key memories. So, what we did was reduce the interviews to short written messages – just one sentence at a time. Usually a simple question, which he would often ask several times in different ways, and then he compared what I had said with what my mom, ex-boyfriend, or the police said. And then we would have a video call to get my perspective on what they said, and suddenly we were having a proper conversation. We did this thousands of times, and this process helped me remember a great deal, which in turn led to other memories flooding back.

I didn’t actually meet BTG in person until after the book was finished, when I visited him in Los Angeles, but I often say he knows more about me than anybody, except maybe my mom – I could tell him absolutely anything! He listened to me when few people did, and he took something dark and painful and turned it into something beautiful and powerful. I’m so proud of our book.

During the writing process, BTG was exactly what I needed at that time: a friend, a “psychologist,” and kind of a father figure – he never judged me. He also saw how lonely and sad I was and would comfort me, encourage me, and give me helpful suggestions. For example, when I arrived in Portugal, I was all alone, and BTG kept telling me to go out, explore the city, meet new people, take a photography class, volunteer at a soup kitchen, and so on. It wasn’t easy, but it helped motivate me to try new things, which built my confidence and made my world bigger.

BIAA: Towards the end of the book, there are some “plot twists,” for lack of a better phrase. I’d love to know what was behind the narrative decision to share these nuggets of information late in the game.

BTG: In Broken Girl, the reader discovers the whole truth – some of which is wonderful, and some is very upsetting – at the same time and in the same manner that Caroline did. There are plenty of twists in Caroline’s story, and many of them are because her recollection of events and the timing of events were warped by her brain injury.

It wasn’t until Caroline’s recovery reached a certain point – later on in real life, and therefore later in the book – that she was able to understand what really happened and when. By this time, she was actively searching for the truth about her past and was uncovering more and more hard evidence in her old diaries, her computer files, her medical records, and even in boxes of old receipts. She really was a detective working on her own case.

In Broken Girl, Caroline’s story is told within a two-and-a-half-year window during her early recovery – I only included events in the book that Caroline knew to be true, or believed to be true, within this time period.

The book itself can be broken into three basic sections: Caroline’s flawed perception of how perfect her life was before her brain injury, the medical aftermath following her injury – which Caroline was told about but obviously has little to no memory of – and finally, Caroline’s growing clarity about herself and the people she loved, as her recovery progresses.

What I found fascinating, after many thousands of hours of research, and having crosschecked all of Caroline’s answers with multiple sources, is that even though, due to her serious brain injury, Caroline often had a very limited understanding of what was being said about her and what was really going on around her – and in many cases people were deliberately lying to her, avoiding her and trying to manipulate her “for her own good” – Caroline ended up being right about pretty much everything and everybody. Her brain may have been “broken,” but in her heart she always knew the truth.

BIAA: What do you hope that people who are living with a brain injury take away from Broken Girl?

Caroline: For those with a brain injury, I’d say always listen to your inner voice, and never simply accept what others tell you that you can’t do. Your doctors, your family, your romantic partner, and friends may always mean well, and sometimes what they say is both important and correct, but I found that I still needed to trust my inner voice and push my boundaries if I wanted to improve.

I had wonderful doctors, but they told my parents that I’d be in a wheelchair for my entire life. My wonderful stepfather bought me the best wheelchair ever – it was even waterproof! But a few months after I left the hospital, I saw this fancy wheelchair waiting for me and thought, “No, I wanna walk!” It wasn’t easy – I tripped over and fell down a LOT – but eventually I did it.

Brain injuries are still a big unknown – there is a lot of wonderful research going on, but we still don’t have a cure for TBI, and we don’t know exactly how the brain works or how it heals itself. So, listen to trustworthy medical advice, and surround yourself with good people, but always listen to yourself as well.

BIAA: What do you hope that people who don’t have a brain injury learn from Broken Girl?

Caroline: Just be present. It’s that simple. In my experience, the greatest casualty of a brain injury is friendship; the defining symptom of TBI is loneliness. There are many reasons why suicide rates are so much higher for people with a brain injury, but isolation and rejection are major factors. It really hurts to be left out, trust me. Everything feels worse when you’re on your own with no one to talk to.

Conversely, everything feels better when you are around good friends and family – that’s true for everybody, not just those of us with brain injuries. Just being included in social activities makes such a positive difference to mental health and overall confidence. This is especially important for people like me, because the more I am around people, the better I become at communicating and relearning social cues. So please don’t shut us out or try to forget about us. We never want to upset or embarrass anyone – we want you to enjoy our company as much as we enjoy yours – it just takes us time and practice to do the little things most people take for granted in social settings.

BIAA: Prior to working on Broken Girl, what did you know about brain injury? What did working on this book teach you about brain injury?

BTG: I didn’t know a great deal about brain injuries before writing the book, and I understood even less. As a child, we had family friends who’d suffered strokes, but they were much older than me, so it wasn’t very relatable.

In college, I played rugby for Army, and years later, a teammate of mine, who had served in the special forces, surprised me after I’d delivered a lecture at a university in Dawin, Australia. At first, I was delighted to see him, but then he became very worked up, got right up in my face, and was speaking incoherently about how he was owed money and justice, and then he stormed out of the reception. It was a very uncomfortable moment and, to be honest, I initially thought he was drunk. Later, I found out he’d been in a motorcycle accident and had suffered a serious brain injury. I felt terrible for not handling the situation better – in hindsight, it was clear he had sought me out to get help. Thankfully, he reached out to the Australian equivalent of BIAA and is now doing much better.

Sam Bloom, the subject of my book Penguin Bloom (called Penguin the Magpie in the USA), also suffered a brain injury in her terrible fall. But working with Sam was very different from working with Caroline, and I needed to adjust my interview and writing process to suit her. Every brain injury is unique, and patience is just the beginning.

Working with Caroline reminded me that we really have to do our best to meet people where they are. Caroline and I are very different people in so many ways, but we share the same sense of humor, which made working with her a joy. That said, the writing process wasn’t always smooth sailing – there were some days when it became very frustrating, but I made a promise to Caroline early on that I wouldn’t quit on her or the book, and I stuck to this. Broken Girl was without a doubt the hardest book to write, but it’s also my best book, and I’m very proud of what we have created, and so grateful to Caroline for trusting me with her story.

My biggest takeaway from this experience is to never underestimate anyone who has suffered a brain injury. Caroline was and still is a brilliant and driven young woman. She proved all her doubters wrong, again and again, and is an enormous inspiration to me and to everyone who has read her story.

BIAA: If you had to sum up your brain injury journey in one word or sentence, what would it be?

Caroline: In a sentence, I would say that a brain injury doesn’t erase who you are; you may see the world differently, but you still matter, and what you do with your life matters.

If I had to use a single word, I would choose resilience. Our brains are naturally resilient; they are designed to heal, just like every molecule in our body is designed to heal, which is a wonderful thing to remember. I choose to be resilient.

Broken Girl is available for purchase online and in brick-and-mortar retailers. A portion of the proceeds from book sales is being donated to BIAA. If you’d like to follow Caroline or BTG on social media, they can be found on Instagram at @caroline.breure and @tasmanian_grizzly.