William Sterchak
FAR. A three-letter acronym that describes success secrets of tbi caregivers on the journey of a lifetime.
FLEXIBILITY
The ‘F’ could also indicate the importance of Faith. When I turned over anxiety and all the related bubbling emotions over ti God, a burden was lifted. I could do the humanly appropriate and possible, but the truly heavy lifting was in God’s hands.
For us we agreed that the spiritual Foundation was both essential and necessary to go forward and achieve the most modest of goals.
With the small goals adding up, we flexed to bigger, larger and more aggressive goals altering and changing plans. This is ‘F’. A Faith Foundation and the willingness to be Flexible.
ATTITUDE
As a caregiver you must be armed with knowledge. Awareness of the nature and extent of the injury as well as the realization that your family member and loved one may not get better and back to where they were before the accident.
I found strength for patience and persistence back in the Faith foundation. Quick prayers God does hear. Believe it.
‘A’ for Attitude, Awareness and always having you A-game at the ready.
You do not have to know the regions of the brain injured or damaged or all the medications. Just be ready to listen and apply common sense to the process, what you’re being told and then be prepared to Act accordingly.
RESILIENCE
Without question the single most important attribute for success as a caregiver is being able to bounce back for setbacks are frequent. A good day is delightful and pure joy. The next day sinks to the darkest depths approaching depression. The third day, a new day and what becomes your expectation?
You hope and pray for a better day, a good day or a great day. If it turns out as a bad day, the NEXT new day will be better.
The desire and striving for consistency are noble goals and within expectations however the realization that a steady, predictable state may never happen remains a possibility.
One thing that I learned from my independent reading is that all, each and every injury is different. Just like people and delicate snowflakes.
The holistic factors of diet, physical activity and fitness…habits etc.
Our 37-year old son and brother had his accident days before Christmas 2021. One does not plan to spend Christmas in an ICU trauma unit. The physical recovery was the easy part compared to overall recovery. Bones heal in a period of time and with only minor variations in time.
With the brain you just never know. Amnesia might last weeks, months or years. One must be ready and accept the cards dealt.
My daughter and I have alternated taking the lead in his care over the past three years. She is a RN and has spent 15 years as neurological ICU nurse. Without her tenacious advocacy, experience and knowledge, I doubt he would have survived.
I am an industrial engineer and retired engineering manager. Being retired has been a Blessing and convenient. We swap off occasionally and still seek resources that exist for relief because without question full time as a care giver can be a grueling and exhausting experience.
THE FINAL UPSIDE
Will’s going to be around for a few more Christmases anyway. You pray, hope and find time to pray some more. The last thing and the worst thing about it is there really isn’t a great deal you or anyone can do.
We are lucky. Will can walk, talk and we see signs every day something is going on. But it’s like measuring and watching an iceberg melt. There’s only a sense that improvements are occurring.
W. Sterchak is retired from a defense contractor and dabbles in mixed media as an artist and paints with words on substack. A privacy advocate, social media is a fad and phenomenon he has difficulty with and fails to embrace.