Paul McMondagle
Tell us what your life was like before your brain injury.
Before my first avm bleed in May of 2000, I was a freshman in college at Auburn University studying software engineering. I had graduated high school from New Brockton, AL in 1999 and had completed my first quarter. I was a successful student, with hobbies of racquetball and computers. Math and science were my strong subjects, as I had a keen mind for managing large amounts of information at a time. Then again, in 2010 I had another bleed. This time, it was relatively minor. Dr. Fisher. In 2010, I was a pastor in Ariton, AL, a husband, and a father of 2 young girls.
All brain injuries are not the same, tell about how you sustained your brain injury.
About two weeks before finals to become a sophomore at Auburn, I was over at my girlfriend’s dorm room watching a movie. Suddenly, I had a tremendous headache. I stood up, passed out, and awoke to paramedics rushing me to the medical center in Opelika, AL. That summer of 2000, I had another bleed while in the hospital. The doctors installed a shunt and cleared me after going through rehab at the Spain clinic. In 2010, I was working on my wife’s computer and felt a headache come on. I did not pass out, but was transported to the medical center in Enterprise. This time, it had been a minor bleed after which I had a shuntectomy, craniotomoy, and the AVM removed.
Describe your path you took to gain sustainable life again?
From the injury my left side was paralyzed. I had to relearn how to walk, talk, write, etc. I underwent extensive rehab at the Spain clinic in UAB. For the 2010 bleed, I really had to undergo some counseling. I was confused, scared, and angry that the AVM was undetected and that it would bleed again. I felt as though the doctors had lied to me, although they had done and continue to do the best they are able. I am grateful that the caliber of UAB is so close to where we live.
What challenges do you face on a consistent basis as a result of your brain injury?
I have permanent short term memory loss as a result of the first bleed. This can be overcome, but there are good days and bad days. Thankfully, my wife and family along with my church are very understanding. As a result of the second bleed in 2010, I sometimes lose peripheral vision, which limits me from driving.
Describe any significant road blocks you may have experienced in your recovery.
The most difficult road block so far has been the emotional trauma worrying whether or not there is another AVM. Because the doctors had initially cleared me after the 2000 bleed, I had been worry free about further risk. Then, when the bleed occurred in 2010, I was devastated. I felt as though the doctors did not do their job in detecting and preventing the bleed. I know now they did their best. The bleed was beyond their control. Every so often, there still are feelings of resentment about the 3rd bleed though. Yet I know that is beyond the control of the doctors. I must be grateful that I have survived this long. Every day is a gift, not a right.
What is the most helpful therapy, treatment or strategy did you find most helpful?
My wife and I developed a simple breathing exercise that helps me calm my nerves when I begin to lose peripheral vision. Knowing that this life is short and there are no guarantees on tomorrow helps keep things in perspective.
What was it like finding support after being released from the hospital or physician?
There really are few resources in our area for support groups. The physicians are nice but they can’t understand what it’s like to experience a brain injury. I have turned to www.avmsurvivors.org which has helped me connect with other AVM patients. This has been the most helpful resource.
What role has support played in your recovery?
Having the support of my wife and children, my family, and my church has really helped bitterness, anger, fear, and the like all subside. I now try to encourage others to release the hurt and fear and embrace the life you have been given. Support is crucial, because the confusion brought on by a brain injury can be debilitating if not deadly.
At what moment did you realize you had changed forever?
I think for me it was in the shower, at UAB, being bathed by one of the nurses. That was one of the most humiliating, depressing, and fearful times. At that moment, I didn’t have use of my left side. I felt like I was trapped inside my own body. I couldn’t move and couldn’t get away. It was terrifying and humiliating. I wanted to die.
Was there a situation or event that stands out as a pivotal moment that heightened your brain injury awareness?
Working with my rehab counselor, Mrs. Leanne Presley and her husband Dr. Stephen Presley helped me understand the reasons for the AVM and the purpose for the injury. It was their faith in Jesus Christ that really encouraged me to be where I am today. Then, in 2010, my wife Leslie helped me work through the anger and frustration I felt. Also, my parents were there working with me in the first two bleeds to drive me to not be apathetic but proactive in seeking to strengthen myself and pursue my goals.
What are the main strategies you use to surmount challenges to live life as a brain injury survivor today?
My relationship with Jesus Christ has been the most pivotal impact on my life. I turn to the Bible and its encouragement and instruction as I daily face challenges. The most encouraging thing is, I am able to help others that have been through similar circumstances knowing that there is hope for all who face uncertain tomorrows.
What are your next steps on your path towards your new normal?
I finished my bachelor’s degree in 2003 from Dallas Baptist University. May of 2012 I will finish my master’s. At some point in the future, I will pursue a doctorate in psychology or education to help create a counseling methodology for victims of brain trauma. It is so important that survivors understand that though their lives have been permanently altered, the are alive because there is still a purpose and a need for their testimony in this world.
Please list 10 things that you found helpful in your recovery journey.
1.) Never quit. The world does not wait or ease up because you have sustained a life-altering injury. Because of this, you must be determined and work past what others do. They will not understand, but they are not your enemies.
2.) Always remember there are others like you. You are not alone in your suffering or in your misunderstanding. Other people want to help and need your help. If you give up, you deprive yourself and others of the opportunity of service.
3.) Doctors are limited by what they don’t know, but integral for what they do. Your team of doctors cannot know everything. However, they will do the best they know how to help you survive and return to some semblance of a normal life. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
4.) Develop a daily routine. With all the confusion and difficulty that comes with a brain injury, the sooner you can begin a routine, the sooner life will seem less confusing and overwhelming.
5.) Expect great things as a result of your new life. You are a different person than you were before the injury. This is not a bad thing. It is an opportunity to redo some of the things you would like to change and reevaluate why you did some of the things before the injury.
6.) Others will not understand how to relate with you. After the third bleed, I was asked many times if I needed someone to repeat something. My problem was not hearing but memory. After it was written down, it was okay. But this is to be expected as people try to relate with you as they did before the injury.
7.) You are not the same person you were before the bleed. Like it or not, your life has permanently changed. You will have to develop systems and strategies to cope with your new brain. If others think it awkward, that’s fine. So long as you are able to compensate for your difficulty, no one will complain.
8.) It is okay to ask for directions. This is maybe hardest for guys, but if you were a directions guy before, prepare to ask now.
9.) The right way to learn is repetition, repetition, repetition. It will take you longer to do some things. Repetition is your greatest asset in training your brain to do new activities.
10.) There is hope. You are a survivor. You are not dead. This means that there is a reason and purpose for your being alive still. Rather than wallow in a pit of self-pity, why not rejoice in seeing the sun shine for another day?