Olivia Murphy
One word that comes to mind when I think of my traumatic brain injury is “hidden”. It’s hidden because what’s going on inside my brain does not always show on the outside, but is very much still there. People aren’t always seeing the effects, like how my brain disrupts my sleep, or when it pains me to be in a social situation and take in too much information.
Two years ago, in my senior year of college, I attempted to walk across a cross walk to make my way to my car. As I started to walk, someone driving failed to see me, and proceeded to drive straight into me. Next thing I know, I was waking up in the hospital bed trying to answer the tough question of “what year is it?”. I did not answer right.
As the journey of dealing with my brain injury began, I started learning just how hidden it can be. It led me to run into many misconceptions people have about brain injuries in general. I heard “why aren’t you healed already?”, and “you’re not still dealing with that, are you?”. I was quite shocked to hear this, but honestly, I didn’t know much about brain injuries either before I had one myself. Now I know a lot more, like the fact brain injuries can take years to heal, not just weeks.
It can be the most frustrating thing that the symptoms are very hidden. Sometimes, it almost convinces me that I’m making it up. However, the symptoms are very real and even though some people don’t see them, I do.
On the positive side, my injury can improve my communication skills. It’s important to explain to people what’s going on, like when I’m actually taking a really long time to process, instead of just not listening with a blank stare. There are so many instances that involve explaining, and it makes it so much easier for me when I do explain.
My brain injury affected me so much, for being something hidden. Before my injury, I got certified as an EMT to go work on an ambulance. After my accident, I had to learn that I couldn’t really handle that anymore, and that was totally fine. There’s no use of looking back at what I used to be able to do. That was then, and this is now.
I try to stay positive as much as I can, avoiding the negative spiral of why I can’t handle certain situations as of right now or why this had to happen in my senior year of college. I still have my moments struggling with my limitations and the fact that it is such a hidden thing. It’s helped to focus on going to speech therapy, support groups, and more. I push myself to work on healing and staying in the present. I am still doing a lot academically, just in a different way. I manage by giving myself permission to be where I am at. Sure I need more rest, more time to process, less social activity, and more. That’s where I am, and that is okay. Traumatic brain injuries may be hidden sometimes, but that doesn’t make them less significant.