I Shouldn’t Be Here!

I recall leaving work Friday Oct 21st, 2016. I have no memories of anything until about 4 days later. On Saturday I passed out at home and was taken by ambulance to the ER at local hospital. In the ER I arrested in front of ER doctor and CPR was started immediately. I was “coded” for 75 minutes and was defibrillated 10 times. I was told I had the worse case of “Torsade de Points” they had ever seen. The ER put in a temporary pacemaker, I was put on a vent and was ultimately sent to cath lab where a 100% occluded artery was stented successfully. I experienced an Upper GI Bleed, dual pneumonia, cardiorespiratory arrest with hypoxia and other conditions. I stayed in hospital for 8 days. I went back to work part time 3 months later while working on healing my ribs. I was extremely fatigued, crying for no reason and a variety of other cognitive issues. My discharge papers did not include having a cognitive workup. I knew something was not right and so I reviewed my own records which included an abnormal EEG. I finally had a Neuro-psych test in February of 2018 supporting my affirmation I was not just having “senior moments” or suffering from medication side effects. I am working with cognitive therapists and am looking to find a support group. I am just beginning to understand what happened and am accepting I might not ever be an accounting manager again. I am not sure who the new me will be. What I do know is I am unable to count the number of times Doctors asked me if I saw white lights and told me “you shouldn’t be here”. I am here and so grateful to be alive!