January 2024 Peter Kenyon

Content warning: mention of suicide

In the early hours of April 8, 2020, I was involved in a motor vehicle crash that would change life as I knew it. When first responders finally found me, Life Flight was called. This was great because I have an affinity for aviation and always wanted a ride in a helicopter. Sadly, I was in a coma and have no recollection! In fact, I have no recollection of most of the day. Admitted to the hospital as a GCS-3T, my brain was heavily damaged, along with many broken bones. After a week in the hospital, I spent a week in rehabilitation before the insurance company decided I was “good to go.”

This was the start of a new rollercoaster ride that there’s no map for. The ups and downs have been unpredictable and unprecedented to my intuition, thus, causing me to rely heavily on others… Being an extremely stubborn, proud, and independent person, this caused a lot of internal unrest. My early care providers told me I would “find out who my real friends were.” This was incredibly insightful. This would also leave me alone a lot of times. Having very little capacity, I was now forced to eliminate toxic people out of my life and put myself first.

This was very difficult for me. I was a workaholic and always trying to make people happy and like me at whatever cost. This was usually at the cost of myself. The tides had shifted and put me in uncharted territory. Unfortunately, some of the first people to go was my family. Their lack of love, compassion, and understanding made recovery difficult. This is now when I drop the bomb and tell you that I’m pretty sure the car crash was a suicide attempt. More than ever, I needed to think about myself and correct the things that made my life difficult and unbearable. I needed help, not hindrance. Positivity, not pessimism.

After trying to do it on my own, I needed to get better at asking for help. This was the only way for me to succeed. With that said, not being able to do it on my own was in no way a failure, but an opportunity to better myself and meet some amazing people. In therapy I worked on more direct and productive ways of asking for help. After fighting for the things necessary for life, this new skill got me stability. Not only did it get me stability, but it got me the health care that I desperately needed as well. I became a better advocate for myself and was able to get intensive home therapy from Rehab Without Walls. They are incredibly caring individuals. I am now in stable housing with the hopes of being in my own place eventually.

Current struggles include emotional regulation, depression, anxiety, decision making, other executive functioning, stamina, and body pain management. I’ve conquered a lot of things in my life, and this recovery is the most difficult thing by far. But it’s all doable. I couldn’t have done it without my care team! Personal and providers alike. It took a long time to formulate the “team,” but they were worth the wait. I still have a lot of hurdles to overcome, but I’m excited to eventually pay it forward.