Hope and Fear

Growing up from a young age I fell in love with football. I started playing when i was 6 and played every year until i was 20. I loved the competition, adrenaline rush and strategy that went into it, but unfortunately I was very ignorant to the effects years of taking serious shots to my head would do me psychologically and in a lesser way physically. Today I’m 23 years old and too be honest most days are a struggle. In July of 2017 I suffered a minor stroke and thankfully they caught it in time to halt any possible physical side effects, but the psychological effects are more severe than even I want to admit most of the time. Growing up we were always taught to use our heads to either cause a fumble or rattle the guy we were blocking and so i did. I used my head like a weapon and was always told that the headaches were nothing to worry about. I can’t honestly tell you how many times i played through concussions because i was either too prideful to admit something was wrong or my coach didn’t believe it was a concussion. The worst part of all of this is is that all too often nobody really believes you. I’ve had my fair share of people make me feel foolish and try to say I’m exaggerating the effects. I’d give anything for that to be true. Today I suffer from memory loss, constant headaches that sometimes become debilitating migraines, trouble with concentration, depression, anxiety and although I’ve never attempted it I’ve had nights where I went to sleep praying I wouldn’t wake up. The problem with brain injuries come down to one thing in my opinion, it’s not visible. If you’ve broken your arm or your leg people can see that, but if your brains hurt it’s only your word to go on. I had an MRI done when I was 20 that showed I have an injury to right side of my brain, but to what extent I was never told and can’t afford to get help. All I can day is don’t ever quit. Keep your head up and keep driving forward.