Life After Brain Injury – Ryans Story

 

I was in the hospital for approximately 4 months total. Including the inpatient rehabilitation center. I had to learn EVERYTHING down to tieing my shoes but for some reason maintained a two year college level reading ability….i have a hard time remembering much of anything before that wreck happened to me,  except for triggers that once in awhile t bring back memories. sometimes I wonder if they are actual or fabricated by my brain. Because a lot of times my friends or family don’t even remember them happening. 

 

I personally lived through this life altering event. I had a girlfriend at the time of the accident that dumped me soon after because “I wasn’t the same person as before the wreck” I lost ALOT of “friends” because they weren’t sure how to act around me, or other various reasons they all came up with. I suffered from severe depression for years. If I don’t wake up in the morning with something hurting……something is wrong….I’ve also been through 16 major surgeries involving bones I’ve broken ( getting hardware installed and removed) and that is not counting all of the cosmetic surgeries I have had to endure. 

 

I can’t even begin to explain how frustrating life in and of itself became after my bike smashed into that truck. I felt like nobody understood me, like I was going to be alone my whole life afterwords,  because in my mind…I was some freak and I hated myself for being who I was. I could never see that I was still me due to the fact that coming out of that coma. I didn’t even know who I was or who I was supposed to be. I tried so hard to be the Ryan I knew. A lot about me did change, and I hated it. I hated it so much that I tried to end it all for myself twice (unsuccessfully). I just couldn’t handle being so “different” and I didn’t stop to think…how “different” could I be when I had absolutely no idea who I even was before the mishap. 

 

I cried for God, I plead with him, I screamed at the sky in tears many a night trying to figure out my purpose. But in all reality of the situation. I never had taken a step back to look at things and realize that maybe, just maybe. My purpose wasn’t in my hands at all.

It is now 9-22-14 and I am still here to tell you that recovery has been very long and difficult…I still struggle with anger/temper issues as well as impulsive decisions I make without thinking things all the way through before I move forward with the decision. I am a single father at the age of 28 raising a beautiful 8 year old son, I have an associates degree and am working a job that brings in enough money to comfortably get my family by from year to year. Now, with that. I am by no means trying to brag or flaunt about my success but rather provide inspiration to victims of tbi and families of tbi victims showing them that everything can work out to be ok. 

 

With my personal tbi, I had what you would call a subduralhematoma with my brain hemoraging (bleeding) inside my skull with no room to expand due to it being a closed head Injury. The doctors put a drain into my scull to relieve the preasure until swelling and bleeding subsided. I still have a large problem relatively often with my short term memory but it has improved over the years and I am still at high risk for having seizures. (Haven’t had one yet) but in closing, If you are a victim of a tbi or family of a victim of a tbi (traumatic brain injury) reading this comment. DONT LOSE HOPE!!! DONT GIVE UP!!!! PERSEVERE THROUGH IT!!! It may not be the end all be all! Everything happens for a reason!!! You may never understand why,so don’t even bother wasting your breath asking yourself that over and over and over. Just see it through. I hope everything works out for you as it has for myself…..and don’t ever doubt the ability you posess to see it through to the end. If you do,say a prayer! I will say one with you! I’m sorry you have to/are going through this. Either way you look at things…it will all work out. God bless you!