Brett Michaelson: Split Second

It was Sunday, August 19, 2001 when my whole world changed. I was traveling back to my job in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. I was currently working as a Systems Engineer and had been recruited for the job. I was proud of what I had accomplished and I was still successfully climbing the ladder. I was northbound on a US highway traveling North when a vehicle traveling Southbound crossed the median and began to roll over up and onto my pathway. I was on the inside lane and I distinctly remember thinking, “Crap this is gonna hurt”. I had but a split second to react to what was unraveling before me and I was not quite fast enough. As it turned out I had to be removed with the Jaws of Life and was flown by Life Flight to a hospital in the Houston area. I entered the hospital in a coma with a Glasgow Coma rating (GCS) of 4. I was in Traumatic Intensive Care and operated on with a rod replacing my femur and my left little finger being amputated at the top due to burns they could not treat. The doctors successfully used skin grafts on the rest of the burns. The doctors, in their ever present need of changing of bedside manners, tried to prepare my family to face the fact that I was not to live much longer and if I did I would be a long term resident of a nursing home. When I emerged from my coma several weeks later I did not know where I was or who was in my room. I did not remember anything and I felt like I had a black veil over my mind. Some time after that I was transferred to a rehabilitation center but I still had a dark, black veil over my mind. When I slept I had no dreams and instead of thinking in images like most of us do I was slowed down by trying to process the incoming information. I was released from the rehabilitation center after several weeks and allowed to go home because my wife, my beautiful wife, was an RNC. As it was, I still did not recognize her and called her my caregiver. That black veil would not disappear and I was sliding into a depression. My recovery was very slow. People would stand in front of me and talk to me as friends do and I would wonder who they were. The black veil was still present, but little by little, it was lifting. After learning how to walk again there was a time when the family went to a mall. Like families do they split up at the mall and as I turned around to find someone I knew I lost sight of them all and I began to panic, until my wife came and took my arm. I had to take long steady breaths to calm myself and I never let on to what I had experienced. I did my best to pretend that I was normal although I had the mind of an 8 year old. Still slowly, day by day, the veil would lift a little bit more. I was not accepting my condition and was trying hard to get back to what I considered normal. I spent three years of my life in that condition, improving each day by a millimeter. All that I have described to you was the easy part. The tough part was just about to begin. I can’t tell you when the veil lifted completely because I don’t remember it. It was something that just happened and I only noticed it later. Every day was a good one because I could feel a slight improvement each day. In Texas if you had a head injury you needed to test again for your driver’s license. I passed my written test with a 94% missing only the questions about juveniles and alcohol. I wasn’t a juvenile anymore so I didn’t care. I found out the day of the test I had to take the written test in conjunction with the driving test, so I sat down that day with my driving therapist and read through the whole Texas Uniform Act in 20 minutes. I passed my driving test on the Houston Freeways with a 97%. Not too bad I thought and at that time I was back to thinking in images. The location where I was working held my job open for a year hoping I would come back, but with my wife driving I went back and handed in my resignation. I was told by the Director that he did not have to accept it and I told him it was in his best interest to do so. I still was not back to being the person I was before the accident. Several months later I drove myself back up to Grapevine, where I had worked, and met with some old coworkers and had lunch. It was something I had to prove to myself that I could do. I drove there and back in one day for a total of six hours driving. Not only did I drive there, but I also negotiated the freeway and found my way there and back. Still I could feel myself improving a little bit each day. I had said the hard part had started now so I should explain. Our children are grown and gone and both have good jobs and are able to take care of themselves and their families so I asked my wife “What is keeping us here?” I was ready to move to a location where I could get back to work in my field. I had received several offers from where I had used to work and even another offer in Saginaw, Texas but I did not want to get back into the same position of traveling there, staying during the week, and returning on weekends. My wife, my beautiful wife, was so ingrained here at this locale and our grandchild was within 40 minutes of driving I could not get her to even think about moving. I understood that but there was no work where we were living that was in my field. So I looked around for work. I found some but it was on a part time basis and upper management did not listen to me about certain ideas and methods involving technology. They just wanted their computers to work and that was it. I left that job and applied for another because they were looking for as Systems Engineer. I knew I was overqualified for the position but it was in my field and it was full time work so I was willing to accept it. The technology director was married to an attorney who wanted to land my case in court even though he was not an injury lawyer. So I was rejected from that job. The bottom line is I absolutely hate it when people look at me with $ in their eyes. I wasn’t a friend. I wasn’t even a person. I was a commodity that was to be exploited for their monetary gain. I started donating my time and services to Churches who wanted to take advantage of technology, which opened up a whole new world for me and them. I created websites, created streaming video from digital cameras, edited and uploaded the final product to their website. I knew this could be done but not how to do it as I had been on the other side of computers. Networking them and making them talk to each other. So I studied and learned what to do and created quite a few websites and managed to introduce streaming video of the services. This was all something I was never going to be able to do according to my doctors. Still each day I could feel that millimeter of improvement and to this day I still do. My wife wants me to write a book and I have told her that I am an exception and do not want to give anyone false hope. This month August, 2008, will mark 7 years from the date of that accident. My wife says I have a five mile travel radius from the house and I know she is right. I have a car that I bought last December and as of today it has only a little over 3,000 miles. I still get a little tense when I am behind the wheel. Of all the problems I had I think the most serious was that the Doctors had a tendency to believe they knew exactly what was wrong instead of doing a full independent evaluation of me. In my process to recover I found only two medical personnel that actually took the time to listen to me. One was a physical therapist. I told him exactly what I needed to work on and he made sure that I did. By the time I finished my physical therapy he had me jogging. The other was a doctor who listened to my whole story. I cried in his examination room and told him I just wanted to feel normal. At that time my depression had fully set in and I would wander the house wondering if I was ever going to get over what had happened to me. He started me on medication and monitored it very closely and made minor changes as he thought necessary. This doctor had earned my trust and respect so I listened to him very carefully and followed his directions closely. Today, I no longer have that veil over my mind, my depression is gone, and I actively work in Technology when I can. I’ve done what I used to do and in some ways it is better. I was always an overachiever and I never gave up. I found out who my real friends were and those that wanted to just exploit me for their own gain. Except for the tension I experience when I get behind the wheel of a car I feel like I am 98+% of who I was. The first time I looked on the Internet for help I came across a website that said in bold letters that brain injuries were forever. I know that some are but I am not one of those and for that I am truly grateful. It’s a terrible thing to be lost in your own mind and I never want to return to that.